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I love modern technology. The flying cars. The instant food dispensers. But I mostly love googleMate - built by personality researchers and brain scientists to find the best chick for you (or dude, if you are into that sort of thing.) It's so weird to think my parents met because they lived on the same block! No wonder they're miserable. (And refuse to get divorced, the stubborn old fools.) Seriously, what are the odds of finding your soul mate right next door? Millions to one I bet. There is no way those old farts could ever be scientifically compatible.
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googleMate works. I've seen it first hand. When my second wife and I looked at each other yesterday though a haze of indifference and collectively said "meh", it was a modern miracle. We split up before the day was over. How the googleMate computers could predict we'd fall out of love simultaneously, I don't know. I can't explain how it works. I have just seen the amazing results in my own life.
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The timing was not as good with my first wife. I was still into her when she started using the service again. I am not mad at the g-Mate though, because it hooked me up with so many hot rebound chicks that I screwed away my sorrows and soon found the woman who would become my second temporary true love. It all worked out in the end.
Thank you for holding. How may I help you today?
"Yeah, um, I think your service is broken. I put all my information in, and it didn't give me any results."
Let's check your account . . . I'm sorry but your results are correct. There are currently no women matching your search.
"What the hell are you talking about? The last time I had scads of babes to choose from!"
I'm sorry sir, but that was several years ago. Our records indicate that you've gained a significant amount of weight since then and your income level has not kept up with your age bracket. In addition, you have developed a tendency to be unreasonable grouchy. Perhaps you should change your match criteria to more closely resemble your age range?
"What are you saying? Lower my standards? No way! I gotta have a sexy woman! This is bullshit. "
I'm afraid I can't help you and I am ending this phone call.
"No, wait! What if I made my max chick weight 2 pounds more? Do I get anything then? Hello? Hello?"
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